Baby I Got A Hit

“Baby I got a hit!” I would yell as I ran thru the door… knowing that I finally accomplished a dream goal… to be heard on the radio in my city… man what that must feel like… to be able to go around the world and perform your hit song… how it would feel to hug my wife and jam out to my song… she would be happy for me… I would be happy for me… it would be nice… to dance around my living room without a worry… the excitement it must hold… it’s hard to talk about because I haven’t done it… I’ve never had a song on the radio… EVER. I was almost on the radio once. That didn’t go well… I’ve done internet radio… whatever that is… whatever any of this is… whatever this dream world I think exists is… how great it must be to actually be recognized for your talents… I think… I don’t know… but I know I saw somebody blow up right beside me and I don’t know how I feel about it… maybe like I should quit… like I should accept that I am not who I thought I was… that this dream that I thought I could achieve I can’t… maybe I’m the other team in this movie… you know the one that they show in the montage when the winning team you care about is gaining momentum and they beat up some team that you don’t even get the name of… they’re just the green team… until you see the scoreboard and see they were the hermit crabs or some dorky name of a mascot that doesn’t fight… banana slugs… what a joke…

Maybe that should’ve been my path… I should’ve graduated school on time… not been so cocky on the sax… maybe I should’ve went to a 4 year college… fought hard for something other than this… it is not where I wanted to be… at all… I thought “if lil Wayne can do it at 15, I know I can!!!” I mean, I was 15 too… why wouldn’t I be able to… there’s nothing stopping me… I’m good at it… I would walk around with a pocket thesaurus trying to learn new words to rhyme… some cats would read dictionaries… I liked the thesaurus… it had a little more savoir faire to it… you already know words but find words that mean the same thing… a book for better words… how could I lose? I had the cheat codes…

Somehow I did…

somehow I became this old guy who makes rap songs in his living room… and other songs… but that’s kind of what I wanted… to wake up and make music… and be paid handsomely for it… have a wife, a dog… kids… one day… the funny thing is somehow, I’m living my dream… somehow this is what I wanted for myself… but it does not feel right… maybe I didn’t dream big enough… or maybe I just never had a hit… “Baby I got a hit!”

One day