Nightmares and Realizations

My fast is coming up. Im trying to get my mind together for it but i know this year will be stressful. The normal "smoking drinking sex" wont be enough. This year there has to be more. Something real. I remember praying for her. Now i will fast for her. Its funny people keep telling me what i should do for me. "This benefits you, you gotta focus" but its not that easy for me. I have to focus on my vision. What i see myself as at a later age. Who knows. Maybe they know something i dont. Most people do. I only pay attention to the things im actually interested in. Funny... seems im not that interested in myself.